Trade off with Self

Sometimes you think it's your entire fault. Only if it weren't for you, everybody's life would've been simpler, easier. If it weren't for you, everybody around you would've been happier. It makes you go crazy, almost suicidal, literally. Why can't be happiness just pure? Why does it have to be foiled in sadness, guilt or tension? Why can't it be unadulterated?

I guess it is because we've become older. We now know and believe in "opportunity costs", the economics of life. We believe that we have to "choose" and let go off "the next best alternative". And throughout life we have been programmed to choose what is rational, logical and practical. All this and we have lost touch of what it was like to feel the joy of "the next best alternative".

When as kids, we could afford to that. We could choose the alternative which did not make sense. Consequences did not matter much. But it is different now. We have grown up. And it comes with the package.

And choosing the logical course brings you this. You think that you have given sacrifices, huge ones, by not choosing what you wanted, and still the happiness comes in with sadness and tears. You think that you are the poor one. Your expectations weigh you down, almost to the point where you are six feet from the edge.

The trade off for being the part of this world with my own self is way down the road, and I wonder, was the trade off worth it?